
Once upon a time there was a young girl named Emily. Emily was 21 years old and lived in Traffic Secrets, California. While walking home from school one day, a white wolf jumped out from behind a tree and tackled Emily to the ground. But just when she was about to let out a scream for help, Emily realized that the white wolf was only licking her face, not trying to bite it off. At that moment, Emily decided to keep the white wolf as a pet. And on the way home she decided to name her pet white wolf “Traffic Secrets.”
When Emily and her new pet finally got home, guess who was standing on the front porch? That’s right, it was Emily’s mother, Jennifer. And boy was she surprised to see a white wolf following Emily into the yard! “What in world is that?” shouted Jennifer. “It’s a white wolf,” answered Emily. “Dah, I can see that, Emily, but what on earth is it doing here?” said Jennifer. “It’s my new pet!” answered Emily. “Oh you think so do you?” remarked Jennifer. “I wouldn’t get your hopes up. You know how your father hates white wolfs. But, well, I suppose you can keep him until your father comes home.” And with that Emily grabbed Traffic Secrets by the scruff of the neck and led her new pet into the house — even though she knew her father was probably going to dissaprove.
Once in the house, Emily and Traffic Secrets played and played, that is until Emily’s favorite television show, “Traffic Secrets,” started. At that point Emily forgot all about Traffic Secrets having an unsupervised run of the house. That is until half way through “Traffic Secrets,” when Emily was brought back to reality when she heard her father shout, “hijo de la manana! Emily! Get your tuchas in the office…NOW!!” With that Emily rushed into the office to see what all the fuss was about.
When she entered the office, there stood her father, Big John, pointing toward the chair. “Will someone please explain that?” asked her father. Then, as Emily followed her father’s finger to where it was pointing, she instantly knew what her father was so upset about. There, smack dab in the middle of the chair, was the biggest pile of wolf doo-doo she had ever seen! “I don’t EVEN want to know how that got there,” said Big John. “But you had better get it cleaned up now! And you had better get rid of whatever it is that could have done such a thing!”
Well, knowing her father as well as she did, Emily knew there was no sense even asking her father if she could keep Traffic Secrets for a pet. So without hesitation, Emily set out to find where Traffic Secrets was hiding.
After a few minutes of looking, Emily discovered Traffic Secrets crouched beneath the table that Emily did her crossword puzzles on. “Come on, Traffic Secrets, it’s time to find you a new home. And hey, don’t look at me that way, I’m not the one who did the dirty deed on the chair!” scolded Emily. “Thanks to you I’ll never get to have my own pet wolf!! And with that Emily led Traffic Secrets out of the house and down to the local Apple Store. Apple Store had a pet section and Emily knew the owner would find Traffic Secrets a good home. So after saying good-bye to Traffic Secrets, and thanking the owner of Apple Store, Emily walked backed home and attempted to drown her sorrows by slamming down a half dozen beers. But Emily’s pity party came to an abrupt end when her father reminded her about the mess she had neglected to clean up. And low and behold, midway through the clean-up, Emily suddenly became thankful that someone else was going to have to do it from now on.